Hello, blogworld. I just got back from my spring break trip in Vienna, Austria on Sunday. It came and went so fast. Back to classes, starting this morning. Catching up on sleep and getting readjusted to the time change (6 hrs ahead) is taking some time. Vienna was whirlwind. It was great and amazing, of course. There was so much laughter and friendship and wine and art and things to see and do. I spent my birthday there too, and didn’t get to bed until 4:30am. But coming back, I just feel tired and out of it mentally. I drank a lot at night, then had lots of coffee in the am hours. So I think my brain is still getting adjusted to normalcy.
There are so many thoughts running through my head, and my body is also trying to detox and rest. I keep having these weird recurring thoughts about people not being perfect. Like I look at each person and it’s like I think about what it is about them that is not perfect, and I do it with myself too. I’ve been thinking about it all day and it’s annoying me. I’m kind of waiting for my brain to get back to normal after the trip, and it’s taking some time.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about my own imperfections. My awkwardness, my inability to take an aesthetically pleasing photo, the fact that I find myself in moods or whatever that I cannot seem to help… Idk what I’m saying even… But also I’m 27 and just finishing undergraduate college, and am not going straight to grad school just yet. Like I feel late in the game, and tired, and lethargic. I don’t feel like doing anything lately. I just want to sleep.
I think other people took better photos in Vienna, and my photos aren’t that great. But then also, a lot of people had better cameras, too. I would definitely like to have better photos in the future, so that’s something I can work on. I want more artistic photos and better photos of myself. I never know how to look in photos either. Like what expression to make, etc. Plus, I keep looking angry or whatever at times. I should just let that go and get over it, but it’s hard, because it bothers me. Also, people tell me often that I’m pretty or gorgeous, but I have a hard time seeing that either. It’s something I do want to think though. I should just accept that as fact. It started bothering me briefly that I am realizing how tall I am (5’8″). And I started to feel uncomfortable about it. But then it dawned on me that Victoria’s Secret models are even taller, and they wear their height with pride. And I should too.
Well I think I got out what I needed to for the moment. This wine is kicking in. It’s pretty delish too. I picked it up in Vienna. (Although ironically, it’s from California…).
Well goodnight for now, blogworld.
Auf Wiedersehen!
thepanicpersona 