Ramblings and Discord

Uhhh… Life. Ugh. I know it’s normal to be nervous when I’m about to graduate college and get a real job. (Even if I am 27.) But I feel so loaded with insecurities lately. I have this sculpture class that has been bothering me lately. And actually all my classes are kind of boring and a bummer. Not that there aren’t highlights, because there are, but still. And I’ve been thinking about my social status. I wonder if other people think about their social status as much as I do. Because omg, I am obsessed. I feel like so much of my life is focused on others, and not in a positive way. Like it drags me down. I want to think about myself in a positive social way. I want to view myself in a positive way when it comes to socializing. So what gets me down about it? Situations where I feel I am excluded, or like I am the only one who is not socializing with everyone else or not clicking with everyone else so well. There have been several instances where this has happened. So, I could choose to just accept this, and whenever I feel left out, just think well I’m left out but it’s alright with me. So what else am I concerned with? It also makes me insecure how low I can get sometimes. We talked in my personality psychology class about how people experience highs and lows differently. Some people are always evenly keeled, others are more emotionally sensitive to highs and lows. Keeping myself emotionally balanced is something that I have always had to do. It’s been a constant challenge for me. This is also something I need to just make peace with. Meditation is definitely something that will help me with that too. I need to bring myself to meditate more. I get side tracked so easily.. I’ve just been sitting here with my mind wandering for several minutes, without writing anything. And I kind of planned on going to bed 40 minutes ago. I’m so bad with schedules… I guess I’ll go to sleep now… Good night world!

p.s. why do I often feel as though there is some problem that needs to be solved in my life?

Real quick, positives about today/tomorrow:

Today–

  1. emailed Ryan about my art and frames.
  2. Got microsoft word back on my computer!
  3. Did not have to work today!
  4. Worked on my paintings more.
  5. Alicia was in class today and we made progress on our sculptures.
  6. I got paid today!
  7. Tomorrow I hopefully can work a full day.
  8. I have Saturday and Sunday and Monday to do my paper. Then Tuesday and Wednesday to do my book report. And I’ll have to squeeze my sculpture in there too.
  9.  I get to go to bed soon… yay!

 

Okay, now I’m going to bed… Goodnight!

 

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