So a lot has happened recently, and it’s making me rethink a lot. Should I be different? Should I talk more? Express myself more? All these questions and thoughts make me feel exhausted, honestly.
I feel so ready for a relationship again. I want it NOW. I went out today across town and saw so many attractive men. I’m like, should I be more assertive, more confident? Idk. Or should I just be how I’ve always been, because the right person will be perfect for me? So many questions without any answers. The game of life. I want a relationship to be easy, to be obvious, to be natural, to feel right, to feel good, to feel peaceful.
I’ve been seeing 11:11, 1:11, 12:34 on the clock constantly lately. Numerous times a day, often. That has to be a good sign, right?
I’m so excited for the right person to show up for me. I don’t know when, but I feel so ready, I’m expecting it any moment now. I’m not attached to any one person, I just know I want it and I want it ASAP. I’m excited for summer to come. I’m excited spring weather is FINALLY here!!! I’m excited to move to my own apartment in September! I want someone to spend my time with, someone to be able to have deep conversations with, someone to be affectionate with, someone to hug and kiss and hold hands with and do all the fun things couples do! Go on dates with! Someone to share everything with! I love having someone to spoil and love and say sweet things to, and laugh and play with. And someone who loves me back! I know that it will come, it’s just a matter of when. And I know it’s not everything, and I do want other things, but I want that a lot too. Maybe even if it’s something short term, I’m thinking even just something for fun for a little while. I feel like the past few years have taught me to be more chilled out, relationship wise. To not let things bother me like they used to.
I suppose I have a lot of self-doubt at times. Some insecurities or what not. Like I’m questioning, should I be acting different? And I’ve been having these anxieties related to working at my internship with the social aspect of it. But who really cares about that so much? I just want to get my hours done. Yes, I want to enjoy it as much as I can, but it’s only another few weeks left. Anyway, I’m going to meditate and go to sleep. More work in the morning, at least the worst part is over!!! Hopefully I can get 2 papers done by tomorrow night!! That will be great to submit them both tomorrow night!! Alright, well goodnight, all!
P.S. Life is such a learning process…